Love Hurts

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. – 1 Corinthians 13:7

The title of this blog post may seem quite unusual considering today is Valentine’s Day.  We mainly celebrate this holiday by centering on happiness and lovey-dovey gifts and gestures.  However, there’s another side to love that I want to touch on…a side that seems hard to deal with on the surface, but actually says a lot about how we love.  In fact, the purpose behind this Valentine’s Day post is in connection with a statement my pastor, Mike Glenn, made last Sunday.  It is a statement that is a bit strange, yet is absolutely true.  He said, “Love hurts.  If you’re going to follow Christ and love a world that can’t [and I, Allison, want to add in here, might not] love you back, it’s going to hurt.” 

If love is going to get to a place where it can hurt, it’s because we have given so much of ourselves to that person/place/thing.  Although it sounds hypocritical to think about something hurting us as we approach Valentine’s Day, getting to a place where love hurts actually says a lot about our walk with Christ as it shows how we have poured our life into something or someone so much so that we are willing to open ourselves up to potential hurt that might happen.  Paul talked about this in 1 Corinthians 13:7 when he said that love “endures through every circumstance.”  Every circumstance most definitely includes hurt. Maybe someone you love disappointed you, maybe someone you cared deeply for passed away, maybe you lost a job that you poured your life into, maybe you were rejected for speaking the truth into a friend or loved one’s life – whatever happened, something or someone you loved hurt your heart.  It doesn’t take the love for them away, but it still does hurt…and probably very deeply.

Jesus understands, more than anyone past, present, or future that love hurts.  The greatest example of this is seen as we read about how He sacrificed His life by dying on a cross for all of humanity’s sins. 1 John 3:16 says that “We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us.”  Notice those words, “…Jesus gave…” these words show us the incomparable character Jesus exhibited as He willingly gave his life for us just because He loves us.  Love hurt Jesus that day.  Another example is seen a few days prior to the crucifixion, as Jesus was riding into Jerusalem following His triumphal entry.  Luke 19:41 tells us, “But as he came closer to Jerusalem and saw the city ahead, he began to weep.”  Jesus cried for Jerusalem because He knew what the future held for them (and it wasn’t a good future, if you catch my drift).  He had such a deep love for the people He had taught, healed, and ministered to and hated that they were going to have to go through hardship.  Love hurt Jesus that day.

Giving your love to someone or something else is a very vulnerable action.  You are opening yourself up to whatever the other contributor gives back.  It could be a blessing or it could be a hurt.  It could be something you anticipate might happen or it could just blindside you like a tackling football player (sports fans be proud of me for using this analogy).  It could mean accepting forgiveness from the other party or it could mean that you may be ignored by them for the foreseeable future.  There’s always the risk…but the risk of loving and being open to the possibility that the love might hurt you is one that we should all be willing to take. 

Should we get to a place where we should avoid loving something or someone because we don’t want to be potentially hurt by them or even regret that we ever loved them in the first place?  No.  In fact, that’s not very Christ-like.  Look at Jesus; He keeps loving us even though we still hurt Him by sinning.  

Real love may get to a place where it is going to hurt; but getting to that place means that we have invested ourselves, our time, our prayers, and our service to them – something that Jesus has commanded we do (Mark 12:31 - “love your neighbor”; Matthew 5:44 – “love your enemies…pray for those who mistreat you”; Mark 9:35 – “become a servant of all”). 

Missionary Amy Carmichael is quoted as saying, “You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.”  As a missionary to India, she most likely experienced the hurt of love.  You don’t spend 53 years as a missionary and not give yourself to a people and location, that more than likely (especially the first few years) didn’t love her back.  She knew full well that what it meant to love ”through every circumstance.”  But, like Paul urges, she never gave up, never lost faith, and remained always hopeful.  What an encouragement and example to us all of truly loving “through every circumstance”…even the circumstance of hurt.

Quote: Amy Carmichael; original designer unknown

Living in a Crazy World

"Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."  - Romans 12:2

The world is rapidly…and I mean rapidly…changing.  The things we hear on the news, see on social media, or just hear around the watercooler each day increasingly show us that our world is much, much different than the world of even a year ago, let alone five years ago.  Just stop and think about all of the big headlines (and not necessarily covered by the mainstream news) that have happened over these past eight months – terrorism, environment, marriage, foreign policy, civil rights, gun control, abortion, and the list goes on and on. 

With all that is going on in the world today, do we keep up with it?  Do we change our behaviors and patterns to match today’s culture so that we “fit in”?  Logically it would make sense to blend in with culture because that way we would have friends, be in the “in” crowd, and not stick out like a sore thumb. As believers, though, in our hearts we know we can’t conform to the way the world is turning.  If we did it would be going against everything we believe and stand for in our faith in Christ (marriage – Mark 10:6-9; abortion – Psalm 139:13-16; civil rights – Romans 12:8; and it could go on and on). 

Paul spells it out point blank in Romans 12:2, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”  I believe that Paul is definitely telling us as believers not to get caught up and be a part of the “big ticket” problems and cares of the world such as the ones previously mentioned, but I also believe that Paul is encouraging believers to not get caught up in the “less mentioned and easily overlooked problems and items” of the world as well.  I’m sure you are now wondering, “what does she mean by ‘less mentioned and easily overlooked items’?”  Thank you for asking. 

I believe Paul is also telling us as believers not to conform ourselves to more “common” day-to-day things like pride, lying, deceit, drunkenness, slander, idolatry, adultery, and the list could go on and on.  For some of us, we don’t correlate the “less mentioned problems” of the world with the more notable problems of the world, but they are one in the same.  The Bible even tells us that God hates these things.  Proverbs 6:16-19: “There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes,  feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.”  In one of his other books, Paul tells us: “The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; ²⁰ idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions ²¹ and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God” (Galatians 5:19-21).

Did you see what was mentioned there? While some of those are definitely deplorable acts, notice those “easily overlooked items.”  They seem small, but in reality they are just as equal as the “big ticket items” in the sight of God.  Things like lying, false witness, stirring up conflict, hatred, discord, jealousy, dissensions, etc. … all of these the Lord hates.  Any of those sound familiar and quite common?

Romans 12 isn’t just advice to new, baby Christians to leave the things of the world behind when they choose to follow Jesus, it’s an appeal to established, mature Christians who also need to heed its words.  As Christians we aren’t perfect.  We have our pitfalls and, yes, we sin.  It doesn’t matter whether the sin is deplorable or one of those “easily overlooked ones”…sin is sin and God hates it. 

I think Romans 12 is an even more crucial verse for established, mature Christians because of how hypocritical we can appear to the world if we are following in its screwed-up ways.  The devil is looking for every possible, minuscule way to get into our Christian lives so that we lose our Christ-like witness.  John 10:10a says, “The thief [devil] comes to kill, steal, and destroy…”  Although we are Christians, we aren’t exempt from temptation or sin; we are subject to the world’s ways just as easily as an unbeliever – the devil knows this and will do whatever he can to take advantage of that fact.  We fall into the temptation/sin and end up hurting our Christian witness to unbelievers. We don’t have to just fall into the temptation of “big ticket” sins, we can sin by lying, cheating, stirring up conflict, creating discord, and the like.  Unbelievers see it and immediately call us out as hypocrites because we are doing something we know – and maybe at one time espoused – to be something contrary to Christ and His Words.  This is why God hates sin, especially for the Christian, because it makes us look like fools in His Kingdom.

But because God is a good, good Father, there is hope in how to live in this crazy world.  Just look at the end of the verse I mentioned earlier from John 10:10.  After telling about the devil, Jesus says, “...but I have come that they might have life and have it to the full.”  In Him is fullness of life!  Praise God!  When we take up our cross and follow Jesus…and I mean follow Him with complete abandon …He will give us the strength we need to not conform ourselves to the world.  To do this, we have to be willing to be transformed through the renewing of our mind (I take that to mean delving deep into the Word of God and also being willing to listen and do what the Holy Spirit asks us to do).  That can be hard – even for the mature Christian – to do because it requires sacrifice and giving up control over our wants and desires. 

If we do decide, however, to buckle down and completely surrender our lives to God instead of surrendering it to the world, we have a great reward ahead of us!  The tail end of Romans 12:2 says that should we choose to follow God with our whole heart and life and transform ourselves by renewing our mind, then we will be able to learn God’s perfect and pleasing will for our lives.  I don’t know about you, but knowing what God has prepared ahead for my life is something that definitely interests me!

In a “perfect world,” Christians would separate themselves from the rest of the world so that they wouldn’t have the temptations that the world offers and so that they could truly live out Romans 12:2 with nothing to worry about.  But we don’t live in a “perfect world,” and as Christians we are to be ambassadors for Christ and go into the highways and byways telling others about Him.  It’s gonna be hard because we’re going to be faced with temptations and obstacles along the way.  We’re going to be forced to give up control of what we want to do.  My pastor, Mike Glenn, likens it to swimming against the current...a task that, in our own strength, is quite hard to accomplish.  We’re going to lose friends, stick out like a sore thumb, and even face ridicule and/or persecution.  However, if we set our sights on the Son and our Father and choose to renew our minds in them, we truly won’t have to worry about anything else because they are in control.

This is a loaded blog and I totally realize that.  I’m even convicted and I’m the one writing it!  It’s my hope, however, that you aren’t discouraged and feeling like you can’t step up to the task of following Romans 12:2 because YOU CAN!  Our Savior is so great, so strong, and so powerful and He will give you the strength you need to follow Him in this crazy, crazy world.  In fact, less than 2,000 years ago He prayed just for you as you live in this insane world that you would have the strength to live for Him.  Let the following prayer…prayed just for you by Jesus in John 17:9-25…be an encouragement to carry you through this world and live a Romans 12:2 life.

From Jesus -

“My prayer is not for the world, but for those you have given me, because they belong to you. ¹⁰ All who are mine belong to you, and you have given them to me, so they bring me glory. ¹¹ Now I am departing from the world; they are staying in this world, but I am coming to you. Holy Father, you have given me your name; now protect them by the power of your name so that they will be united just as we are. ¹² During my time here, I protected them by the power of the name you gave me. I guarded them so that not one was lost, except the one headed for destruction, as the Scriptures foretold.

¹³ “Now I am coming to you. I told them many things while I was with them in this world so they would be filled with my joy. ¹⁴ I have given them your word. And the world hates them because they do not belong to the world, just as I do not belong to the world. ¹⁵ I’m not asking you to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one. ¹⁶ They do not belong to this world any more than I do. ¹⁷ Make them holy by your truth; teach them your word, which is truth. ¹⁸ Just as you sent me into the world, I am sending them into the world. ¹⁹ And I give myself as a holy sacrifice for them so they can be made holy by your truth.

²⁰ “I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me through their message. ²¹ I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one—as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me.

²² “I have given them the glory you gave me, so they may be one as we are one. ²³ I am in them and you are in me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me. ²⁴ Father, I want these whom you have given me to be with me where I am. Then they can see all the glory you gave me because you loved me even before the world began!

²⁵ “O righteous Father, the world doesn’t know you, but I do; and these disciples know you sent me. ²⁶ I have revealed you to them, and I will continue to do so. Then your love for me will be in them, and I will be in them.”